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Thursday, June 28, 2012

1 yr


1 year has past. we have been together for 1 yr. in this time, i learned to trust someone again. i feel safe and secure in my own skin. i have no interest in anyone else. no one catches my eye. no one can compare. i will do nothing to ruin it. and i will jump thru hoops to keep it. it's so easy. comfortable. but never boring. he inspires me to try new things, and i do the same for him. we cram as much fun into the time we have together. make every minute count. i have no doubt that he loves me. im just so lucky he does.

we've known each other for almost 27 years now. we have no secrets or skeletons. there is nothing to hide. he knows all of my flaws. my short comings. but then again, he knows my road. and i know his. both were pretty rocky.

we were very close friends as kids because we didnt have it easy. we never have. we have always gravitated toward each other. we find reasons to laugh and smile every day. there is always a kick in our step.

at this stage of my life, almost 40, its a surprise. i wasnt looking for this. it found me. i still think its crazy. lots of things are different. life is so different. completely different.

i am an "empty nester", in the army, working on my BA, moving to the burbs, in love with my oldest friend, in bed by 9, run 5 days a week, hold a very rewarding and prestigious position, rarely have time for yoga ( i miss it everyday), i go to the jersey shore on the weekends... who am i?

ive been in a major transition for the last 3 or so years. i hated my life and where i was. i changed it. worked/working on myself to be amazing. leave a dope legacy. never let grass grow under my feet and NEVER let a negative influence bring me down again. i think that is how we ended up together. because im doing everything different. and it was time to have something real. i have never felt like this before.

i have been "in love" before. nothing healthy. always conditional. but what did i know? what were my examples? i stopped believing in it quite some time ago. and certainly wasnt trying to find it. even to those i "committed" to in the last few years. those were just words. i didnt mean it. i have only had casual flings the majority of the time. when the boo and i started to hang out, it was for a few months before we made the step. i had not dated in a while. very unusual for me. i always had something going on. its too easy. but i was focused on school/work/life, i just forgot about men.

at first it was just like old times. partners again. fishing, surfing, movies, boating. things started to change. i tried to ignore it. why ruin a good thing? we both have too much baggage. too much history. we know each others exes. we went to each others weddings. but he is the best thing to ever happen to me.

it took me a longer time to accept that i was falling for him. i didnt want to be in love. love has never worked out for me. it usually ruins a good time. i also didnt want to commit. i havent really been good at that. but here we are. and its so good. my best friend.

i get goosebumps when he touches me, and butterflies when im about to see him. people know were in love and that we actually enjoy being together. in all of my life, i have never met a more caring person. more hard working. more honest. he took care of me as a friend and now he is my safe place to land.

tomorrow, after work, we will go down to his lil spot down the shore. surf, fish,(by "fish" i mean, lay on the boat while he catches dinner) bbq, cocktail, sun bathe, dance, and celebrate our 1 year. but whats awesome about us... we celebrate everyday. life is good. xoxo






Tuesday, June 19, 2012

things i find annoying

i will not mention any names or give clues as to whom i speak, but some people are out of their GD minds.

as a single mom of one, it wasnt easy. altho i dont remember the hard times now, i do remember working 2-3 jobs, having shitty gigs with asshole bosses, taking abuse to survive. not much help from family, not much sleep, my wants on the back burner, and the boy missed out on a lot. when i hear about the struggles of a particular single mom, it makes me want to punch a baby.

this mom doesn't work. has a car and insurance paid for, cell phone, health insurance, child support, and 15 days a month off from mothering because her ex has joint custody. she attends school 2 days a week to work on yet another degree she wont use.all of the kids tuitions/sports/fun/clothing/dental/medical... lets say everything is paid by the dad. the mom has a full time boyfriend, girls nights out, weekends away, and when she has the kids, there is always a family member to help out.
this is not good enough.

i want her to meet an actual single mom of 3. who works until she colaspes, borrows from peter to pay paul. cant ever go to the doctors because she has no health ins because its pay rent or get well. hasnt had a date in years, no child support, let alone free weekends. christmas is a nightmare, misses class trips, basketball games, prom nights because she has 3 mouths to feed. goes without everyday and never complains. does the job and is grateful to get thru another month.

there are no $14 cocktails or center city brunches in her everyday. no fancy haircuts or new outfits. forget about an education. that is never even an option. that is a privledge only the privledged get. and still, oddly, they dont complain.

sometimes when i hear about this single moms "hard life" , i want to grip her up by her neck and shake her. DONT YOU SEE HOW LUCKY YOU ARE!!!??? LOOK AROUND! NO ONE HAS IT THIS EASY! but she'll never get it. never know how insulting it is to the single moms who went without everyday and still got up and did it all over again.

i see her getting married to this guy. and living the same life she did before. never working. acting as if life is so hard. never being able to please her, until this guy has enough. but then she'll get half of another house, some of his pension and savings, maybe some alimony. another car? blah blah blah. then she can move back in with her parents while they take care of her again. until the next dude.

do us a favor, at least get your tubes tied. i know that hurts you on any future child support, but its much tougher to snag the next man when you have 2 baby daddys.