seasonal affective disorder. it is real. we passed 22 December. each day a little longer than the day before. all the way until june. spring is "new beginnings". im a little tired of new beginnings.
we are a couple days away from 2014. yay. i want to be optimistic like i was last year. cloud nine walking into 2013. everything was right. what a difference a year makes. starting over yet again.
moving to a part of the city i never lived. it seems appropriate. big mistake entering this domestic partnership. BIG. HUGE mistake. isolated in the hood i left a million years ago. love turned to hostility. friendship out the window. we are not meant to live as grown ups. i need my space and he has changed.
all of a sudden, the hand holding stopped, quick to get angry, anticipates a problem, fights against me, expects the worse, speaks with hatred in his voice, justified for every nasty interaction, and apologies will never come. why am i so stupid>
stuck here for another month. silent treatment. kids are here almost everyday now. it was never discussed with me. not that i would protest, but sleeping alone every night and no time together should have been presented to me. this is my life too. the mom is less and less involved. i def didnt sign up for this. new apt here i come.
so, it is a sick pad. high rise, pools, gym, sun decks, running trails, common areas, dope views from balconies, lots and lots of closet space. woot!!! i will drown my sorrows in the hot tub or sauna. i have a feeling everythings gonna be alright. trolling furniture stores and vintage spots to make the place even sweeter. my art alone is enough, but could always use some animal prints and a funky bass sound system. that never hurt no one!
i took a turn today. back in the gym, got a fake bake on, a mango smoothie, shopped for new crib. at the very least, i accomplished something today. i need yoga in my life. its nonexistent in this part of town. my new hood offers a whole lot more in everything i love. and the boy will be my ROOM MATE. paying rent and supporting himself. we'll see how that works out.
i have to flip the script. get happy again. happy or miserable, they say its a choice. im not 100% sure that is accurate. hard to choose happiness when youre stuck in bull shit. stuck, as in can not get out. treading water until freedom rings! this is going to be the longest month of my life. happy mutha fucking new year. 2014... you better get right.
