

i thought going one way was the right thing to do. its not. but i started the wheels in motion with that decision. i have to stop those wheels. put them on pause. but they picked up some momentum and im using all my strength to pull back on the breaks. it may be too late. i may not be strong enough. i fucked up. "if happy ever after did exist"...
it feels like i swallowed glass. lying here in my urban sanktuary, no lights but the glow of my laptop. my head spinning but nothing remotely resembling a solution swirling in there. i am missing cigarettes and weed. 2 friends that got me through some tough times and helped me clear my head or at least helped me forget about shit for a minute. not having any vices sucks too. just me. my half functioning brain and my hurting heart. bad combination for making life decisions. bad combination for walking and chewing gum.