and i exhale

i am in the new spot and its awesome. i slept on saturday night for the 1st time in months. in my own bed. it was fantastic. a funny change of events happened... i dont think were breaking up anymore. not today anyway. he helped us move. was more than gracious, all the while believing we were done. as soon as all my shit is in place, it would be the last time we would hang out. then the switch. i was happy. happy like before i made the mistake of moving in to their house. with all the bad juju of the christmas past. all the resentment gone. it felt like before.

i need my space. my own life. with girl friends and yoga. i have 3 closets in my bedroom. one is just for shoes. i dont have to share shit. i dont have to hide from the kids. they are adorable, but not mine. i dont want to be bothered. that is not my scene. i never wanted to get attached or involved. i dont have to do homework anymore. i dont have to cook or pack lunches. when i get home from work, i need to veg. NEED to. i dont get as much free time as their mother. then again, no one does.


who knows what will be next. i have work this weekend and a couple soldiers from out of town will be crashing here. using the pool and spa. we'll drink wine and have grownup conversations. their will be no children in sight.