Never get used to disappointment

After this year and this lifetime, I would think the blows would be a little softer. Why when things are at their worst, do the hits keep coming? I know when you're positive, positive things happen. Same goes on the flip side. But how do you find joy when your baby is an active addict? I sit in limbo waiting for him to die or to live. My life stands still. I isolate and only interact with a handful of people. I try to keep it moving, fake the funk. Hide this tragedy because talking leads to waterworks. I am a vampire. 

That being said, I am finding people I loved and cherished are nothing more than another let down. Without even being around. Without interaction, I am betrayed. Hurt. By people who do not even know the situation. Is it because my sparkle is gone? I don't know. I do know that this is a miserable existence, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Then again, even if they did the right thing by me, it wouldn't make a difference. I'm not interested in coffee clutches or happy hours. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. 

Thank you again universe. 

Date

I had one. I fucked it up. I was so nervous. I didn't/couldn't eat. Add alcohol. = disaster. I'm an ass. I can only laugh about it. Too bad tho. He was cute and funny. No kids. All his hair. Damn. I am not ready for this. But I'm so lonely. I want to make out with a hottie. Snuggle up to a new guy. Feel giddy. We'll see how long it will take for me to do this again. Uuuggghh