tick tock

i have a pattern. i stay way too long in something that does not suit me anymore. maybe i think that its just a rough patch, it will turn around. or maybe i just get so wrapped up in chaos, my brain doesnt function correctly. that seems to make more sense to me.

i freeze. shut down and try to wait for the storm to pass. sometimes it doesnt pass. being caught in the eye of the storm is a permanent situation. eventually, ill un-freeze. put on my rain gear and fancy rain boots and get to where the sun shines. somewhere, the sun is shining. this is truth.

i went back to work yesterday after almost 2 weeks off. work is very stressful. lots of responsibility and bull shit. i counted the minutes until my HOLLAday vaca. other than New Years Eve and New Years Day, my time off sucked. i work too hard to waste any minute of free time not being a happy, productive, learning, growing, bad ass biotch. that is what i do. and grass has grown under my feet. shame on me. that time i can not recover. i can never say never, but i will say lesson learned. no more worrying about anyone else. get me back to where i need to be. crushing skulls and making history.

i cannot wait until 01 FEB. connecting with my friends and my life again, high atop the city. looking out to new possibilities and old comfy feelings. meeting interesting, new, people in uncharted territory. steps away from old stomping grounds, but surrounded by unknown. whatever the universe holds for me, i am so ready to get at it. i wish i could blink my eyes and it be the day.

the "new crib" party planned, complete with DJ, cocktail menu, and guest list. i will make it an early evening shin dig so not to piss off my new neighbors and possible new BFFs! tick tock tick tock... almost party time.