weird things

soooo many bizarre things are happening. 1st my father shows up to my mothers house, and apologizes!!! what? they havent spoken in over 25 years. he was recently published in the inquirrer for a story he wrote about a murder 43 years ago. he had no interest in reaching out to us. but oh well. i cant let what others do effect me.

next, the 1st boyfriend. the crazy. who stalked me and made my life hell until i got a restraining order 2 1/2 years after our break up, contacted me. He does not have a fb to stalk me out like a normal person. but instead he found my mothers phone number and called her and left a voice mail. i couldnt believe it. i called him back because curiosity killed the cat, and sometimes i have a death wish. a lil background. He was my "1st love" at 15 years old. and he was 21. i dont blame him for being with me with the age difference. he resisted me as long as he could. but i was persistant. i forced him into dating me. we went out for a year and a half. 7 months of it he was in the navy. and thats where the crazy started. he started telling me what i could and could not do. he told me i couldnt go to my prom, had to stay in on weekends, and basically wanted me to never leave the house. i was 16 at this point. and was not about to be home. so as a 16 yr old does, i did whatever i wanted. when i tried to break it off, things started to get out of hand. he would threaten boys who talked to me. his friends treated me like shit. told him everything i was doing, giving him ammo to freak out.he was a very big and scary man. a loose cannon. when he was on leave, he would camp outside my house, call 100 times a day, look for me everywhere. non stop with the letters. it was sweet relief when he went back. but every time he was home, it was the same thing. until i was pregnant and couldnt risk it anymore. the last time he physically saw me, i was 4 inches shorter. i dont even remember the girl he knew. ive lived a million lifetimes and during those lifetimes,i never gave him a thought. soooooooooooooo the sit down...

because he scares the shit out of me, but im stupid and still wanted to know what he wanted, we met at the mayfair diner. nothing bad can happen there. too public. driving there i wanted to throw up. funny how all these years later, i can still feel like that girl. i was shaking so bad, there was no hiding it. all i could think is, what could he possibly want? is he in a 12 step program or something and needs to make ammends? does he want to tell me how i ruined his life? the real reason he wanted to see me is so lame, and such a let down. he aked me out. yeah, that happened. really? what would make him think that is a good idea? he had no idea what i looked like. i could have been a toothless, 700 lb slob. was i that good of a catch at 16? the answer to that is NO! im still not a catch. but how great could a kid be? I WAS A KID!!!!!! let me say, he is still super handsome. looks just like he did, only with a lil grey. but i still see the crazy behind those green eyes. and i dont invite crazy into my house and ask it to sleep over. i told him i was seeing someone. and he still pushed. i was polite. told him i needed to be somewhere, and i received 10 text messages after, that i ignored all but one. and my response was basically "take care".

then the 3rd thing. i am seeing someone!!! and this is the weirdest of all. a friend of 25 years. i did not see this coming. he breaks some of my very firm rules. major one being his kids. theyre little. i cant get involved with them. if he stayed just my friend, it wouldnt be a prob. but now things changed. our lives are so intertwined, its complicated. no one knows about it yet, because its too weird. my family may or may not have a prob with it. (my mom has his number on her speed dial) friends with us all. he actually took me at 18 yrs old to get the restraining order on the psycho above. he made me a piece of art for my hs grad that has never left me and is still my most prized possession. was there when my son was born, we were at each others weddings, and secretly dated 15 years ago when i broke up with the boys dad, and he was on a break from his gf, now ex wife. no one knew then either. and it didnt change anything. his ex has an idea because she defriended me on fb. ive known her for 20 years, as my friends gf, wife, now ex wife. i have no loyalty to her. but awkward. also, another friend who shall remain nameless because of her current situation, has feelings for him. she cant act on them. but i think she'll be hurt to find this out. its early on in this fling, so we cant make decisions on wether or not we go public. but he's making me happy. and im making him happy. its been a long time since i had genuine feelings for anybody. its nice. comfortable. fun. there are no games. no bullshit because we would never hurt each other. i dont want him to stop seeing other people. he needs to get out there. experience single life. be a playa. i think you need to do that after divorce. so you dont feel like you missed out. i am not ready to commit. as much fun as im having, decisions should never be made out of emotion. and besides, i still have other people in my life im not quite ready to say good bye to.

life is weird, but good