i am so lucky! of course, things could always be better. but im not going to focus on that.
im so proud of my boy. and i wish i was him. of course, he could do better! like get a job and not be so lazy and entitled. but im not going to focus on that either.
i love that i have the opportunity to continue my education. its amazing how much i learn everyday. it makes me feel bad for those less fortunate. at this age, to gain more knowledge is a blessing. and im sucking up this info. and i have become more understanding of people with limited access to an education. as i said before, its a big, beautiful world out there. i need to learn as much as i can about it before my number is up. how sad it is that most in this country will remain ignorant, due to no fault of their own. theres sooooo much information out there. i just want to scratch the surface. i dont know how much longer ill be able to take classes, but im so grateful for what ive been able to take. i will receive my first degree in june. a huge accomplishment for me. i know is only an associates and worthless in the scheme of things, but im not going to focus on that.
still in love. and its still too wierd. im waiting on our first argument. i wonder what it will be about and how we"ll handle each other. the 1st harsh word spoken changes everything. friends for 25 years, after a fight, we turn into a "couple". neither one of us wants that. too many years of bullshit with other people. bad feelings, worse memories, damage done. i know i dont have it in me to hurt him. i would rather hurt myself. friends first. even tho we can never go back to just that. i havent been in a relationship in years. i certainly wasnt looking. single me always had a good time, pretty boys with fancy shoes. sipping martinis, seeing a show,art galleries,swanky parties, guest lists, brunching. uptown and downtown. here i am, back to my NE philly roots. the same place i pretend not to be from. now i spend more time in the NE than i have in 15 years, and lovin it. i didnt know i was looking for this until i found it. its a whole different dynamic. different playing field. i never saw it coming. and even tried to deny it was happening. now here we are. its crazy. he's got baggage. kids and an ex i know. ive never dated anyone with children because they cramped my style. and philly is full of playboy bachelors with no ex wives or offspring. freedom to travel, large bank accounts, well rounded because they answer to no one and do what they want, all the time. and they were great. served their purpose of keeping me entertained. i still talk to most of them. cant have hard feelings when you never had feelings. but my new development brings challenges and i need to adjust. i stay away from the kids. its too confusing for them to see daddy with his girlfriend. and lets face it, i did my time as "mom". im in the empty nester phase. and it aint too bad. besides, i had one kid. i would loose my mind with 3. and he's an amazing dad. he has them half the time. and does everything he's supposed to do and then some. he goes above and beyond for them. i fall in love with him more and more just by him being "daddy". they dont make them like him. trust me. he busts his ass everyday. never complains. he'll put in a full day of hard labor, pick me up and cook for me. any little thing i do for him is appreciated. he's kind, sweet, funny, smart,strong, protective, supportive with a hot bod.ha he would never change me cause he knows everything about me and he still likes me. im glad his ex wasnt happy and moved on. shes in for a rude awakening. she cant do any better, cause that guy doesnt exist. now, all i have to do is fashion him up. NE plumbers dont care about clothes so much. but mens apparel is my favorite. and i just became his new image consultant. his stylist. he'll let me dress him. i hope. cause fall/winter fashion is here. i wonder if he'll rock scarves? haha. prob not. the biggest prob is his ex. divorce not final. negotiation stage. and it gets nasty at times. but im not going to focus on that.
i am lucky to have a beautiful boy,great friends, the cutest dog, a dope crib, a man i love, my health, my rack, support of family, a car that runs, a brain that functions normally, the army and all the benefits it gives me, this sunny day, flowers still living in the garden, food in the fridge, a large supply of diet pepsi, plans to make a difference in my neighborhood for the weekend, social engagements with good peeps, my daily coffee stop, pandora, anything "Housewives" and sooooooo many other blessings i encounter daily. that is what ill focus on
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