BBLLAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I don't really feel like writing, but i don't like too much time to pass in between. Life moves too fast and my memory isn't what it used to be. I am exhausted. I am sick of using my brain and just want to shut it down for a day, but it's not an option. I leave for Wisconsin next week and I can't wait. I'll be training for 2 weeks, but it won't be mentally hard. Physically, maybe. A welcome change. I feel like I haven't worked out in forever. I am sick of being a student. Sick of stressing over homework and finals at the age of 39. I'm taking the summer off from school. I may take one class, but that's it. I am burnt out. Losing my motivation and I don't so much care about my GPA anymore. I decided to pass on the Bucknell scholarship. There are people who need it more than me. It would have been cool to say I did it. In reality, it was more of a pain in the ass. I can't live in Lewisburg Pa for 2+ years. Who was I kidding?


I have decided to move to the Burbs. It was a sad day when I came to that decision. I hate the burbs. I am a city girl. The more "grown up" I get, the more I change things. I will be active duty in the Army. Full time JAG in a suburb outside of Philly for 3 years. I picked a town halfway between here and there. After working out the financials, I will be paying less to live there with more amenities. Pool, gym, breakfast Mon-Fri, dog parks, community gardens, business center, 24 hr staff, and they even pay my cable and HBO. Score! My car insurance goes down and bye bye city wage tax! And let's face it. I live in a war zone. Lots of shootings steps from my door over the last few weeks. Summer is more violent. I would be so pissed if I got hit by a stray bullet by one of these idiots fighting over turf or whatever they lose their lives for. If I died in Afghanistan, I would be cool with that. Motorcycle accident? Jumping out of a plane? Or any way other than the meaningless bull shit that goes on in this hood. Things aren't going to change for the better. I don't see the point in moving to another area of the city. It's all depressing. I have to leave Philly sometimes to love it again. I do know, I will not grow old here. Philly area has me for the next 3 years, after that? Who knows?


I have no funny in me today. No fight. No joy either. I feel like I'm just existing until the next step. Maybe this is a "funk". The sun hasn't been out in 2 days. That might have something to do with it. I'm just tired. I have so much to do, but can't do it right now. Tomorrow is another day. Looks like 12 hours of school work. Fun. I'm soooooo over it.