the dessert

tomorrow morning i leave for the dessert. middle of nowhere CA. no cell service, no fb. 90-100 degrees by day, 30 degrees at night. this is not a trip im looking forward too. sleeping in large tents on cots. no privacy, no rest. bullshit army training. i just have to grab my crayons, shut up, and color. sometimes, like any job, work just sucks.

the Boo says he can already hear me complaining. truer words have never been spoken. i am burnt out. april looks a little more chill, but my summer is fucked. starting on mothers day, im almost everywhere but home. going on one full year of active army. more active than army. i dont need a nap, i need a coma.

4 day weekends happen, but sometimes a weekend doesnt happen at all. like this weekend. i took off today just for sanity's sake. and i took the Boo away for the weekend. early birthday celebrtion. i wont be here for his actual birthday. i knew i would need some recovery. its still not enough. i will not get a decent break until the second half of august. uuuggggghhhhhhh.

oh well, during this year, i got out of debt, fixed my credit, earned 100% tuition plus pay, ran a 10 miler, training for a half marathon, became eligible for VA mortgage/loan, about to buy a grown up car, and looking at a vaca home in the mountains. moving in with the boo. crazy, scary, anxiety about this. i love him so much, but i have always needed my space. i am not home much. got a storage unit for my things. most of my shit is not kid friendly. i would like to keep it forever. the very worst that can happen? it doesnt work out, i saved money, he had it easier finacially and with sharing responsibilities, my shit stays intact, i help change this place, raising the property value and erasing the xmas past. we drive on. or the best case? he and i combine our brains, brawn, finances and become very comfortable in a short amount of time so we dont have to work this hard for much longer. either way?