its now 2 weeks since we ended. it feels worse, but i know its right. i just want the 1st year- year and a half back. it cant be fixed. but when youre feeling this heartache, you forget the reasons for the ending. i dont see this hurt going away for a long time. im not interested in dating. not even a tiny bit. im running more. i have an interview to start school again tomorrow. i need some yoga.
if i am busy doing good things, i cant forget for a minute at a time. this weekend, michael and i hung out with his cousin (she's my age) and her friends. totally different crew. it was nice to be a stranger. we also walked 8 miles sightseeing in our new hood. visited his gmom, and it felt good. i am coming back around, but i miss my best friend.
i dont believe in soul mates. i believe time heals all wounds. i know what we had was more real than anything i was ever involved in. i also know some problems can not be fixed but can definitely be magnified. we have different paths. resentments get stronger when you cant follow your path, because you are walking their road. And vice versa. we all deserve the life we want. pain is temporary. that lesson we all learned by this point.
i hope i get the urge to date in the next few months. im sure hes already stepped out. thats what he does. but i cant imagine being close to anyone. the thought of it is such a turn off. but im 41. time is not on my side. before i know it, my time on earth will be up. do i want to exit alone> right now, that sounds just fine.
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