No title

I can't think of how to begin or how to end or what goes in between. I'll never get used to people you trust stabbing you in the back. Always seems to come when you're at your lowest. Blindsided. Like... WTF? Then you find who is really your friend. In your darkest hours. 

Things are the worst they can be. I shouldn't say that. I'm begging for more weight with that statement. I will never forgive or forget how some showed their true colors during this time. I'm defeated. Ok life, you win. I'm crying "UNCLE"! I'm tapping out. I submit.

On medication for sleep. Medication to get out of bed. Medication to hold a thought. This is a miserable existence. I'm not sure how much longer I can go through the motions. Lights are on but nobody is home. This is not depression, it's devastation. Agony that has no end. I am good to no one. I can't even save myself. Stay away from me. I'm drowning and may pull you under with me. 

All difficult times in my life had an ending. I could adjust to make the magic happen. I have no control of this. It controls me. I can't fix it. It's killing me.