Always a Bambi?

Not me. Unlike the majority of the girls I know who went to St. Huberts Catholic High School for Girls, I have no loyalty. There are many reasons for my feelings or lack there of. When the announcement was made that St Huberts is one of the Catholic schools being closed down due to "low enrollment", my first thought was, "who cares"? I found out too many people do. I do care about the people losing their jobs and what it will do to the neighborhood, but that's as far as I go.
Growing up in that hood, it is the norm to go to Catholic schools. That is just what you did. Our lower middle class parents spent the money to keep us out of the public school system out of fear or obligation. There were nights we went to bed hungry, but our tuition was always paid on time.
Bill Maher explained Catholicism perfectly. "You spent half the time being bored and the other half being terrified". I spent the first half of my life believing everyone lived like this. I had no idea there were other views and outlooks.
When I questioned my religious teachings my junior year in HS, I was met with disdain. You don't question it. It is what it is. Jesus died for you you ungrateful whore. You'll burn in Hell for your blasphemy. A Crucifix hangs in the front of every classroom, above the chalkboard, looking down on you. Reminding you of the sacrifice Jesus made, for YOU!!! Born with "Original Sin"? WTF? How is that possible? I'm already bad before I begin? Based on a fictional story of "Adam and Eve"? I just got here and already I need to be saved? Then the Sacraments.
Baptism erases that original sin, so just in case the baby were to pass away, it's cool. They won't go to hell because that sin was cleared. If for some reason the baby passes before given the chance to be baptized, too bad, so sad. No heaven for that kid. Next we get to "Confession". This is where 7-8 year old KIDS have to go and face a priest to tell him all the bad things they've done. Newsflash! 7-8 year olds don't do bad things! They're kids! But I still remember being scared shitless telling the priest I fought with my brother or didn't finish my dinner. Then you get some sort of punishment called the "Act of Contrition", where you say prayers and all is good again. Here is where the real brainwashing begins. You do what the priest says. Fear him. Respect him. He is your God on earth. What he says, goes. To disobey a priest is to deliberately disobey God. Fiery Damnation in your future. UUUGGGHHHHH. Next is my favorite, "Confirmation". This is where you pick a middle name and make a banner out of red and white felt. There is of course a mass/ceremony with a Bishop or Cardinal leading the big day. You are also supposed to study these questions that he may or may not call on you to answer. And God forbid he calls on you and you don't know what to say, you're in for a wrath of shit. The sacraments to follow happen in adulthood. So, I can't speak on those.
My issue with St Huberts mostly, is the education I received. Now I can't blame them for my ADD. It wasn't a thing then. I clearly had something wrong with me, but not one second was taken to figure it out or to help me. I was just another troublemaker. Lazy, no good, amount to nothing kid. Forget that my home life was less than stellar or my struggles with substances, but I was definitely a kid who wasn't thriving in my environment and no steps were taken to find out why. No one cared. Because my IQ was on the higher side and I tested well, I wasn't placed in the lower tracks. I was with the "smart" kids, but lucky me, I was the dumbest. That can't be good for the self esteem.
Can I blame the teachers? I want to, but they are paid peanuts. Using their own money for supplies, most had second jobs to pay their bills. Not much pressure is put on them to create academic superstars because they want to keep us blue collar and in the neighborhood. Not once did I ever hear Harvard was a possibility. In fact, I was chastised for not taking typing. A nun said to me "How will you get a job if you can't type"? I graduated 10th from last in the Class of 1991. I am positive there were not 320 rocket scientists in front of me.
I will always remember this CUNT of a nun, Sister Miriam Grace. It was the first 2 weeks of my HS career. At 14 I was a little on the shy side and a SUPER virgin. I made the mistake of sneezing too loud. My legs jerked and smacked my desk top. She berated me for 5 minutes in front of a room full of strangers, saying things like "You big show off, hussy. I can picture you in front of the boys". I was humiliated.
This will now bring me to the sex ed portion of my rant. There wasn't any, other than... "Don't do it". "Don't think about it". (Thinking about it is just as bad as actually doing it, so since you can't control your thoughts, you're going to hell for thinking about it). Don't touch anyone, don't let them touch you, don't think about touching, don't touch yourself, "heavy petting" will lead to pregnancy, sex is for procreation only, birth control is a sin and so on. At one point you are shown an actual video of an abortion. I believe I was in the 5th grade when that horrific lesson was learned. To this day, I say St Huberts got me pregnant.
Think about it. After I had thoughts, I'm already shamed. Not being able to talk about it with anyone, no education on birth control or prevention, and the secrecy of doing something natural, is a recipe for a fuck up. Not that I regret getting knocked up at 18. That was actually the best thing to happen to me. I was going no where anyway because I never took that dammed typing class. Luckily I did take the "Child Development" class that was pretty much a requirement. Babies and typing. That's what women do.
My anger towards my Catholic Education grew more and more through my son's public school education. It was FAR superior to mine in every aspect. Life skills, common sense, sex ed, college preparations and over all academics. I feel so cheated. Then we come to this...
I WOULD NEVER SUPPORT AN INSTITUTION THAT PROTECTS CHILD RAPISTS!!!! And I take offense with anyone that does. Schools closing because of "low enrollment"? MY ASS!!!! Schools are closing because of all the hush money and settlements being paid out to the victims of the baby raping priests. We all know the stories about the abuses, cover ups, and out right blatant protection of pedophile scumbags. How they were moved to different parishes to prey on different kids, all while the Church was fully aware of what they were doing. I am so sick of hearing how it's not all priests. Yes it is. Just because you didn't touch a kid, you know your colleagues are. You see it. Hear the rumors. Witness the inappropriate and choose to ignore it. They are just as guilty as the fucking sick muther fuckers who take advantage of innocent babies and ruin their lives and faith in a God. No one can tell me any different. It's a small world. The priesthood is a much smaller world. Everybody is in on it.
So, forgive me if I was "Once a Bambi". I am not "Always a Bambi". Stop inviting me to your fucked up rallies and fundraisers. I would rather swallow glass then raise one dime for that dying institution. It should be dead already. Why don't you gather in prayer for those whose lives were destroyed by the Catholic Church? Raise money for the years of therapy they need or to pay for their rehab after becoming junkies to erase the demons their brains are plagued with. No, let's be part of the problem instead.
Who is a true Catholic anyway? I may know one. My Aunt is very devout and walks the walk. I respect her and her beliefs. Everyone else is a "Cafeteria Catholic", who pick and choose which rules they will and will not follow. It's ALL OR NOTHING!!!! Because if you believe in your Catholic faith, you're all going to Hell. Having too much to drink/eat you're a glutton. That is a DEADLY sin. Have sex out of marriage? Without the plan to reproduce? SIN! Miss mass? Confession? Eucharist? SIN! SIN! SIN!
Bottom line, I don't care what you believe in. What God you pray to, or what religion you follow. I can only speak to my experiences, my beliefs and what I know to be true. I am not a proud Bambi. I lived it. The harsh reality is, for me anyway, St Huberts gave me a piece of paper that said I completed what was required of me. I could have gotten that for free without the trauma.